Ashwini Kalsekar on Adjusting Food Habits for Murli Sharma
Actors Ashwini Kalsekar and Murli Sharma have been together for over two decades, and what keeps their relationship young and thriving has been their candid understanding of each other’s cultures and backgrounds. Talking about her food preferences post marriage, the CID actor — who cooks both Maharashtrian and Telugu dishes with ease and maintains handwritten copies of all recipes — shared, “I am a Marathi. I used to eat non-veg. I never loved vegetarian food. I didn’t like anything other than potatoes. He does not eat garlic… that type of vegetarian. So, for love, I held back.”
Murli, 53, chipped in, “I don’t eat mushrooms or baby corn. It was not introduced to me until years back.” During the conversation with Curly Tales, Ashwini, 56, added, “He felt pity for me. During the Golmaal shoot in Goa, he said, eat it. So, I only eat outside the home.”
Taking a cue from the actors’ candid expression, we asked an expert what it means when partners speak casually about adjusting food habits for each other.
“It often sounds trivial. As if love simply meant eating less garlic, skipping certain dishes, or quietly adapting to what is served on the table. But psychologically, food is never just food. It is memory, culture, comfort, rebellion, control, and belonging, all rolled into one,” shared psychotherapist and life coach Delnna Rrajesh.
When someone gives up a long-held food preference for a partner, what they are really negotiating is not taste but identity.
“Food is one of the earliest expressions of self. Long before we learn to articulate emotions, we learn to associate food with care, safety, celebration, and love. Family recipes, childhood cravings, and cultural staples become emotional anchors,” described Delnna.
In relationships, such changes typically fall into three distinct psychological experiences, said Delnna.
Story continues below this ad
*The first is conscious accommodation. This occurs when a person understands why a partner avoids certain foods and, without pressure, chooses to adjust their care. “There is no resentment here. The individual does not feel smaller or erased. Instead, the act becomes an expression of intimacy. I choose this because I choose you. This kind of adjustment often strengthens bonds because it is rooted in agency, not sacrifice,” said Delnna.
Here’s what you should consider (Photo: Freepik)
*The second is a silent compromise. “This is more complex. The person adapts, but without fully processing the emotional cost. They may dismiss it, downplay it, or tell themselves it does not matter. Over time, however, such compromises can accumulate. When unspoken, they may resurface as irritability, emotional distance, or a vague sense of being unseen. Not because of the food itself, but because the self slowly feels edited out.”
*The third, and most damaging, is identity suppression. “This occurs when one partner consistently moulds themselves to fit the other, fearing conflict or rejection. Here, food becomes symbolic. Giving up what you love becomes proof of love. This is where resentment quietly grows. Love then starts feeling conditional. This pattern often mirrors earlier conditioning where love was earned by adjusting, pleasing, or disappearing,” said Delnna.
Interestingly, when sacrifices are no longer demanded, people often choose accommodation more willingly. Not because they have to, but because they want to. “The difference is subtle but powerful. What once felt like giving up now feels like sharing,” shared Delnna.
For couples navigating such differences, a few grounded reflections help:
Story continues below this ad
*Talk about food choices early, without judgment or humour that dismisses the other’s attachment.
*Separate love from compliance. No one should have to prove affection by giving something up.
*Create shared rituals that honour both. Not everything needs to be eaten together.
*Notice resentment early. If it shows up, it is a signal, not a flaw.
“Giving up certain food choices for love is not inherently noble or unhealthy. Its meaning lies entirely in the emotional context. When rooted in mutual respect, it becomes intimacy. When rooted in fear or obligation, it becomes loss,” said Delnna.
